No one ever wants to love me, they just want to fuck me.
I’m the girl guys (especially ones I care about the most) turn to when they want to make bad decisions.
“You don’t call me back, but you kiss me when you’re drunk.”
God forbid anyone ask me to dinner, or call me to talk, but if there’s a party, I’m found. If they’re fucked up, they ask for me.
It’s not just one. It’s two, it’s three, it’s all of them.
Other girls get, “you’re beautiful, I want your future.”
I’m left with “you wanna get fucked up?”
I used to think that’s all there was,
If a guy wanted to hook up with me, that was as good as it got, and that by putting myself out there like that, I’d find my bullshit fairytale in one of them..one day, some way,
But it doesn’t happen like that.
Even strangers, guys at work that don’t know me look at me that way, like they want to fuck me
I’m so tired of being regarded as an object to be used and to dispose of
No one ever looks at me like “wow I wonder what kind of music she listens to” or “I bet she cries herself to sleep every night.”
No one ever cares to read me.
It’s all my fault. I get that. I take the blame. But I can’t undo anything, and when guys who don’t even know me see me that way, what the fuck is there to hope for?
I miss karengiovanna.
I miss her love.
I told him this
1. There will be several days that you daydream about stepping in front of a city bus. Don’t. It will not be beautiful. It will not be brave. It will be selfish. It will be broken. Your mother will cry.
2. Don’t write for him. Write for you. Write for others like you. Write so the girl that thinks about stepping in front of public transportation doesn’t. Don’t be selfish.
3. When you will yourself to sleep and it doesn’t come- get up. It doesn’t matter that it’s 3 am. There will be other 3 am’s. Take a shower. Take two. Wash him out of your hair. Write a poem. Read the same book you’ve read 202 times again. The 203rd time might tell you something different. Don’t stay in bed- you will think about the bus again.
4. Don’t kiss him because he’s broken. Don’t kiss him because his laughter never reaches his eyes. Don’t try and fix him. Fix yourself first. Be selfish. He can’t save you.
5. Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.
6. Dress up and wear red lipstick and get drunk with your friends. They’re the ones that will pick you up. Don’t kiss him. Or him. Don’t fall asleep on strange couches with strange boys. When his hand slides up your dress walk away. Hit him. Don’t kiss him. He can’t save you.
7. Get another tattoo. Get five more. Get another hole in your ear. Don’t listen to your dad. You will still be able to get a job. Did you really want to be employed by someone like your father? Haven’t you had enough of judgmental old white men anyway? Get fuck you tattooed in tiny letters on your hip.
8. When you feel the yearning for a new city- start over. Take 200 bucks and a three suitcases. Work anywhere that will have you. Meet strange people and forget your name. Call yourself Ruby. No one will know the difference. Remember to call your mother. Don’t be selfish. Come home when you find yourself in the strangers and the small one bedroom apartment.
9. Don’t whisper evil things into your own ear. Other people are going to shout them at you. Be your own hero. Keep a sword on your key ring.
10. Don’t step in front of a city bus. It will not be beautiful. Live. Stay up all night with a boy that promises you everything and means it. Live. See shitty local bands with a friend. Wear a different band’s t-shirt. No one will care. Live. Have a baby girl with tiny fingers and tiny toes someday. Pour love into her until it’s overflowing. Live. Wake up. Staying in bed all day is not poetic.
Do you hear that? It’s me. It’s your life. Wake up.(via amyypoehler)
Mwah to perfection
Joe playing the piano